im having a threesome with these popsicles
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
