Yo dont text me then not text me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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