My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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