what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
