We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
