you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
