Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
