I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
