got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize