1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
