She said her name was "party"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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