No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
