Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
