I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize