she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
