That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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