It's Friday. Sex?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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