It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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