he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
