Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
