Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
