dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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