just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
