If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
