I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize