You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize