just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We need to get me chipped asap
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
