I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
