I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
