So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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