I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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