I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
