when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
