smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
