I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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