girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
