Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize