the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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