what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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