well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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