Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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