There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
