You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
