I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
