a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
