I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
