1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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