I think I won the penis lottery.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
