i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she looked like the before picture.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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