I wish I could punch you in the face.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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