If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
