Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
