Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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