Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have feelings that need drinking.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
