k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
