There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
