Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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