office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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