I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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