You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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