if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
