my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize