I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
