i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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