im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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