I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
