Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize