I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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