Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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