Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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