He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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