Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
