I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
