Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
