I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
