It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
