you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
PANTIES FOUND
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
