I just made out with a guy for $7.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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